dahil sa one tree hill plus other stuff that's been agonizing me lately

kagabi nanood ako ng one tree hill.parang 3rd time ko pa lang atang manood nun.tapos yun may conversation dun tpos it went like:
girl1: why do relationships have to be so hard?
girl2: because the only thing harder is being alone.
basta parang ganyan.hindi ko na maalala yung exact line.ang hina kasi ng pagkakasabi nya.tapos yun it raised an eyebrow.wala lang kasi naniniwala naman akong hindi malungkot maging single.alone in its true meaning oo nakakabaliw un.pero to not be a part of a romantic relationship doesn't really mean it's the end of the world.ewan ko siguro nasasabi ko lang to ngayon kasi surrounded pa ko by friends pero pag matanda ka na ata talaga e not having a partner would definitely take its toll.pero sa ngayon having a boyfriend is the least of my concerns.actually ayaw ko pa nga e kasi added complications lang yun.or baka traumatized pa ko.haha.kasi let's face it, i've had two relationships which didn't really work out the way i wanted them to be and to think that that could happen again scares me.(nawala na ang train of thought ko.basta yan na yun.)

on other matters, alam ko matagal akong hindi nagsalita.ewan ko hindi lang siguro talaga ako yung type na mahilig magkwento ng lahat ng nangyayari sakn, ng mga naiisip ko.pero siguro dapat atang hindi na ko ganun.

this past sem i've been through a lot.and i mean a lot.countless na nga ata yung times na umiyak ako.andaming beses kong nasaktan.oo nasaktan nyo ko.marami kayo.and all this time i've been trying so hard to live the usual way.ayaw kong pinapakita na naapektuhan ako.hindi kasi ata talaga ako ganun.i avoided confrontations thinking na aayos rin naman lahat eventually.i chose to keep my mouth shut kasi feeling ko that's the mature way of handling things.kung tama or mali man yung napili kong gawin hindi ko alam.be the judge.

along the way i had to make a lot of decisions.siguro i've made bad ones pero sa lahat ng nangyayari sakn ngayon sarili ko lang rin naman yung sinisisi ko.oo gusto ko kayong sisihin.gusto ko kayong isali. pero at the end of the day i've only got myself to blame.at kung may nasaktan rin man ako pasensya na.i realized i never really got to apologizing.siguro kasi iniisip ko nga lagi na tama ako.pero hindi ata talaga pwede yun.lagi ko ring iniisip na i deserve the apology and not the other way around.so ngayon tinatanggap ko na na nagkamali ako.kaya pasensya.and everything that happened, i never intended for them to happen.and believe me i've been dealing with them.at mahirap sya.

kung may galit kayo sakn..pakisabi na lang..ayaw ko lang kasing sa ibang tao ko pa malalaman.at ayaw ko na rin na lagi na lang akong nangangapa.kasi i'm getting tired of that.nauubos na ata ang sensitivity ko.hindi ko na kaya.napapagod na kong umiyak e.