it's a long road

sa dami ng mga naiisip ko hindi ko na alam kung paano ko to sisimulan.pero here goes another one of those long posts ata...tapos na ang fmq.thank god at maayos naman.sobrang saya nung dinner afterwards sa sm north.nakakamiss talaga sila kuya chris.yung ganung bonding.sayang wala si ad.kakabasa ko lang ng post ni ad sa blog nya at nalungkot ako.alam ko kasi kung gaano kahirap ung ganung feeling.sana naman ay masurpass nya na yun.ad gaya ng sabi ko sa tagboard m andito lang ako.ü another thing, si jr rin.although andun siya hindi naman siya kasama sa "paksyon" namin.wala lang.nakakamiss rin talaga yun.pero masaya naman sila ni jown kaya mabuti yun.nag-end na rin yung isa pang aspect sa buhay ko.hindi ko na lang ieelaborate.bukod sa mahirap, ayaw ko na lang muna isipin.hindi ko pa rin kasi alam kung tama ba yung ginawa ko.pero hindi uso sakn ang regrets.kaya ayun.sa ngayon acads na lang muna ang poproblemahin ko.kasi nakakaasar talaga.umaasa na lang ako..haay.magulo pa rin ang mundo.pero sa tingin ko naman malapit na syang umayos.sana lahat ng tao sa paligid ko ay umayos na ang mga buhay.sympre pati sana yung akin.grabe tong a.y. na to.puro firsts.mahirap pero masaya at fulfilling.sa lahat ng sem na lumipas lagi kong winiwish na sana magnext sem na.pero this time it's different sabi pa nga ni len bakit daw ako ganun baliktad kung kelan sobrang rami kong iniintindi tska pa ayaw ko na magnext sem na.pero kasi hindi pa sila tapos.kelangan muna silang matapos.kelangan ayusin.so yun.

come up to meet you, tell you i'm sorry

i know it's my second time to take a line from the scientist, pero anong magagawa ko gusto ko yung kanta e.hehe.since i have nothing else to do, actually procrastinating, i remembered something from my eng11 class.i know i always rant about that subject but i really learn a lot from that class, boredom aside.anyway, so here's what i really wanted to write about.so i chose the scientist as one of my songs for eng11.and the meeting immediately after our midterms (which i think i'm bound to fail), our prof said we were a bunch of people who like sentimental music.then he goes on mentioning that "one of you even chose the scientist".i actually didn't care about that until last meeting when he announced that he'll be returning our cd's and that again we were really sentimental people.so then he says, "two of you even chose the same song, the scientist."pardon me for the being redundant, but that's really what happened.so naturally i became curious.hrrmm.who could that be?our prof even said it in a way which added more mystery to it.weird.hehe.what is it with the scientist anyway?iniisip ko pa nga rin kung nakakarelate ba ko sa kanta.hrrmm.siguro oo.hrrmm.

it's such a shame for us to part...

till the stars had run away and the shadows eaten the moon

galing yan dun sa poem na nirecite sa must love dogs.hindi sobrang ganda nung movie pero worth it naman.nakakatawa siya.gusto ko yung script.hehe.basta maganda rin naman.or baka kasi gusto ko lang talaga ng romantic comedies.pero ang pathetic kasi nung character ni diane lane.nakaka-in love yung character ni john cusack pero kahit naman dati pa gusto ko na rin sa kanya.hehe.ayun kasi kanina nagpunta ko rob manila.kasama ko si deia at ivy.saya sobra.wala lang.nakakamiss kasi talaga ang mga tao ng high school.basta kakaiba kasi talaga yung mga kaibigan ko nun.sympre matindi ang bonding namin.nakakamiss ang wit and humor.hehe.not that hindi ako masaya sa mga kaibigan ko ngayong college pero iba talaga yung high school.ayun.yung poem nilagay ko rin dito...

Brown Penny by William Butler Yeats
I whispered, 'I am too young,'
And then, 'I am old enough';
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
'Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair.'
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.

O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.

tinge

wala lang.hindi pa rin ako inaantok.nasanay na ata talaga ko ng late natutulog.haay.pero sana bumalik na ang dati kong sleeping habit.anyway, ayun kasi sa kawalan ng magagawa at sa kahayukan (term na napulot ko kay gerson..hehe) sa pagnenet e naisipan kong puntahan yung blog ko sa tabulas at nagbasa ng mga luma kong posts.tapos nanotice ko lang 1 out of 8 entries ata e namemention ko ang kapatid ko na kesyo makulit, badtrip, di nag-iisip, etc.tapos naalala ko nung saturday, nakita nya ko umiiyak sa kwarto tapos biglang sinabi na mag-pPS daw siya alisin ko daw yung charger para may free na socket pero nung umalis ako hindi rin naman naglaro.wala lang.naisip ko lang siguro kasi gusto niya kong samahan at patawanin.hindi niya nga ko tinanong kung bakit ako naiyak e.madalas kong nanonotice sa kanya yun na pagmalungkot ako kukulitin nya talaga ko.ayun. kaya mahal ko talaga yung kapatid ko na yun.kahit na ba papansin, pabigat at matigas ang ulo minsan, hindi ko pa rin siya pagpapalit sa kahit sino.except siguro kung siya yung naging kuya.kasi gusto ko talaga ng kuya.hehe.marami-rami rin akong natutunan dahil sa kanya.andaming tawanan at iyakan ang napala ko.nasabi ko na nga ata to dati pero uulitin ko na lang, siya ang lalakeng pinakamaraming beses akong napaiyak.at kahit siya na yung matangkad na lalake na laging gumugulo sakn tuwing nagpipicture kami, he'll always be that little baby na ka-hug ko sa favorite kong picture namin.

you will find me in the end

kanina nag-sm north kami.ako, si katz, si gelo at si leonard.masaya.na-unwind talaga ko.kasi sobra-sobra yung nangyari the past week.pero ayun meron kaming napag-usapan dun na napa-isip talaga ako.wala lang.pero hindi ko na lang masyadong iisipin.bahala na kung anong mangyari.haay.lagi kong sinasabi na bahala na lang pero still hindi ko pa rin magawang iwan na lang siya at hindi isipin.questions in life..tsk tsk...

hope to find you in the end...

To sleep, perchance to dream

galing sa hamlet.in fairness, medyo nagugustuhan ko sya.first time ko kasi magbasa ng gawa ni shakespeare na hindi lang synopsis or yung direct interpretations na.kakatapos ko lang gumawa nung interpretaion ko dun sa to be or not to be na pauso nya.hehe.actually pinagdikit-dikit ko lang naman yung lines from different songs.napakacreative ko tlga..haha.sympre sarcastic yan.ilalagay ko dito yung ginawa ko.hehe.ayun.kanina binigay yung midterms sa 110.2 diyos ko 5/30!wala man lang 20%!so asa pa ko diba..haay.nagkandalabo-labo na talaga ang acads ko..pero kasalanan ko rin naman dahil ang tamad ko.amp hindi ako sanay ng ganto.huhu.haay buhay.ngayon ko lang talaga naranasan tong mga nangyayaring to sakn.pero sympre challenge yun.matatapos rin naman sila lahat eventually.basta sana umayos na lahat.as in lahat.haay all i can do is sigh.haha.

I cannot take this anymore.
I wish I could find a way to disappear.
Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today.

There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost-
In the paper tales of war and waste.
The tension is here,
Between who you are and who you could be,
Between how it is and how it should be.

The world keeps on spinning;
You can't stop it, if you try to.
There's always something in the way.
There's always something getting through.

How long, how long will I slide?
I've got to take it on the otherside.
Let me sleep
For when I sleep I dream that you are here.
But do I really?
They come, they come
To build a wall between us.

Where am I gonna go?
Where am I gonna go?
Salvation is here.

ayan..yung ginawa ko kanina..ang makahula kung sa aling mga kanta ko sila kinuha magaling..hehe

acads acads puro na lang acads

nde ko alam how i still find time na magblog given na sobrang dami ko talagang kelangan gawin..nasasakal na ko sa acads..haay.next time na lang ung real update..as i've said dami ko pang gagawin.haay.plus i need sleep.amp

ano nga kayang meron sa araw na to...

ang weird ng araw na to..hindi ko alam kung bakit..kung ano2 nangyari sakn..cmula paggising ko hanggang sa ngayon na malapit na akong matulog..hindi ko na lang ikkwento dito..buti pala hindi ako nakapagnet kanina nung gusto ko ibuhos lahat dito kasi hindi ko makita yung journal ko tapos sobra yung urge ko na magtype ferociously (amp nde ako makaisip ng ibang adjective.hehe)dahil sa tindi ng emotions..haha..pero minsan kasi pahamak rin ang blog..so ayun..sana pumasa sya sa exam nya..at sana ayos na sya..at kami..hehe.wow nasasabi ko na yang mga yan..kakaiba talaga tong araw na to..haay..feeling ko naman i'm not making sense..oh well..

whirlwind inside of my head

i often find myself staring into nothingness, either i'm being swallowed by my own thoughts or it's simply just that staring.sometimes people do that hand-swinging gesture in front of my face and asks what i was thinking but when i give them with nothing as an answer more often than not i get disbelieved faces.but i do have moments like those when all i do is stare blankly ahead with nothing in my brain aside from my brain cells doing their job of decoding messages sent to them by my senses.i have no idea what i get from them except that i know it's comforting in a weird, unexplainable sort of way.but lately i don't get those moments anymore.my mind is being intoxicated by a lot of stuff, information overload everyday, add to that my lack of sleep and problems or extremely mind-boggling scenarios be that mine or a friend's.it seems like i spend each day thinking too much.not that i haven't been through these before but once you're used to something its really hard to just shift in an instant.thankfully enough, i still find comfort in our home and i still treasure the time i get to spend with my friends.so life still is sweet.

you were there to remind me

kanina nung nagsimba kami ang galing.kasi puro patama sa mga naiisip ko yung sermon nung pari.naamaze nga ako ng sobra e.yun talaga yung mga moments na napapatunayan kong may diyos nga.kaya kahit na kung anu-anong nangyayari sa buhay ko sobrang nagpapasalamat pa rin ako.sa totoo nga lang parang napakabait sakn ng mundo kasi most of the time e nararamdaman ko na i get what i deserve madalas nga sobra pa at kung hindi man ganun alam ko naman na may natututunan ako lagi at ganun lang talaga ang buhay.ayun.tapos gusto ko rin sabihin dito na sobrang nagpapasalamat talaga ako sa mga tunay kong kaibigan.last week merong night na napagusapan namin nina sam yung pagpili ng kaibigan at pag-iwan sa mga taong nagpapanggap na kaibigan mo.masaya naman ako dahil sa buhay ko hindi ko pa naman naramdaman na kailangan kong itrash ang isang friendship.napakahirap siyang ihandle pag nagkataon.ganun kasi yung nangyari sa iba kong kaibigan kaya nakikita ko.kaya sa lahat ng kaibigan ko ngayon salamat ng sobra.salamat at kahit papaano e naiintindihan nyo ko or tintry nyo kong intindihin kasi complicated talaga akong tao.salamat sa pagtitiwala.salamat rin dahil lagi kayong andyan.salamat dahil sobrang napapasaya nyo ko.hehe.madrama ba?pero yan kasi talaga yung nararamdaman ko ngayon.

we were strangers starting out on a journey.never dreaming what we'd have to go through.

it's like i'm in somebody else's dream

may nagsabi sakn nung isang araw na ang haba daw ng mga post ko so i'll TRY to make this short.hehe.kagabi overnight kina katz.matagal-tagal na rin naming hindi nagagawa yun.namiss ko yun.at masaya naman sya.ako sobrang nag-enjoy.kahit na mas lalong nacontinue ang streak ng pagtulog ko ng late e worth it naman ng sobra.sabi nga ni katz "that's what are friends."haha.first time ko makasama sina leo pau sa overnight kasi.at sympre diba bonding moments rin yun.basta ang dami namin.tapos ang kulet.hehe.basta masaya.certainly took my mind off some things.at marami-rami rin ata akong naisip nung andun ako.basta dapat simula ngayon lagi na lang masaya ulit.naalala ko pala, madalas ko kasi to naiicp lately.feeling ko kasi sobrang nagbabago na ko.isang reason kung bakit ko napansin yun?kasi hindi na ata ako iyakin.pero kanina nanonood ako ng gilmore girls at naiyak ako.grabe namiss ko yun.ang weird ko ba?hehe.namimiss ko ang aking pagiging cry baby.nasanay kasi ako na outlet ko talaga ang pag-iyak.pero parang ngayon kasi mas isip na lang ko ng isip.kaya parang reassuring on my part na nakakaramdam pa rin nga pala ako pag dating sa mga ganung bagay.feeling ko kasi baka nagiging numb na ko.pero hindi naman pala talaga.haay.mga naidudulot talaga ng matinding pag-iisip.hehe

sweet like candy to my soul

the other day i realized that i haven't written in english for quite some time now and since a few hours ago we were making our dialogue for span, might as well continue writing in english.hehe.yesterday (since it's almost 130am) didn't start out the way i hoped it would be.i only had 6 hours of sleep and considering that i haven't been having enough sleep the past nights, i really felt restless the minute i woke up.but i had to go to school because i didn't want to miss my first class and i was thinking that maybe a game of rook could brighten my day but then when i got to school, there wasn't even a single deck of cards visible.so i just sat there quietly, which didn't even bother me because i do have this thing about having a bit of serenity from time to time.and it was good because for some reason nothing was really going inside my head, like everything around me is a blur and it was soothing in a weird sort of way.so then all hell breaks lose (i'm exaggerating) when this news about an angered prof came.turns out some PRC person used a permanent marker on a white board.dang even cried.i don't know what happened afterwards but i'm hoping that it's all okay now.so then i was bringing back my own solemn world when leo pau comes crashing in.we talked and that was nice because he told me this certain dream which really made me laugh.hard.that's when things started lightening up for me.i had fun programming in 170.1 and later decided to be absent in my pe to watch uaap.unfortunately, it wasn't held in the blue eagle gym.i was actually disappointed because i actually looking forward to it since i haven't been able to watch a single game, even on tv.good thing up won.bad thing we weren't there.hehe.the rest of the day actually went well, we played a lot of rook.and i'm happy that we've accomplished something for span.later that evening we even ate at jollibee.and it was fun.even if there were only a few of us.we played a lot of crazy pattern-game.i don't really know what they are called but it was extremely fun.i haven't laughed like that in a long time.and now i'm looking forward to our overnight.i wish a lot would come because that would surely be a sleepless sleepover.(parang ang boring ko na magsulat in english.haay.di na ko marunong.parang mas astig pag tagalog.)

i haven't slept at all in days

sympre madaling araw nanaman at andito pa rin ako sa harap ng pc.to think na 4 hours pa lang ang tulog ko the past 24 hours.wala lang.tinatamad pa kasi ako matulog.naku nasasanay na ko na madaling araw matulog.kagabi kasi nag-aral ako para sa 110.2 grabe 1am ako natapos.parang first time kong magspend ng ganun kahabang studying time para sa isang subject.wish ko lang pumasa ako diba.haay.tapos yey dahil tinanggap pa rin ang aking late papers pero amp dahil parang andami ko pa ring kelangang gawin.buti nga sa friday magdadala lang ng cd ng 3 favorite songs mo sa eng11.hindi pa ko nakakaisip kung anong ilalagay ko.pero madali na yun.at least no paper required.at baka half day pa kasi upcat weekend na.sana talaga half day kasi gusto ko manood ng charlie and the chocolate factory.antagal ko na kasing hindi nakakanood ng sine.ayun ang saya kanina kasi naglaro kami ng rook.sobrang saya talaga.wala lang.kasi new game e.tapos ansaya pag nanalo ka.hehe.malamang.ayun tapos kumain kami sa mcdo hi-way.anlayo diba?hehe.pero ok lang masaya naman e.tska libre hatid pa dahil kay erwin.hehe.salamat sa kanya.ayun kanina may nagtanong sakn kung sino daw ba pipiliin ko, yung taong sobrang gusto ko pero bleak ang aming future together or yung taong gusto ko rin naman pero sigurado akong hindi ako iiwan.alam ko dati napag-usapan na namin yan ni leonard and if i remember correctly yung latter yung pinili niya.ang nasabi ko lang: "talaga?" tapos ang alam ko sinabi ko na lang na kung ako ang tatanungin ay hindi ko alam.pero kanina bigla ko na lang sinagot na yung latter nga rin yung pipiliin ko.ang galing nga kasi bigla ko na lang siyang sinagot kanina e dati naman iniisip ko pa yung mga ganung bagay.hindi ko rin alam kung bakit.siguro may pagkaselfish yung sagot ko pero kung iisipin mo rin naman either way selfish ka naman talaga.depende lang talaga kung aling side yung mas gusto mo para sayo.ewan ko.matagal ko na kasi sigurong arguement yung lahat ng bagay ginagawa ng tao dahil gusto niya yun.basta selfish ka lang lagi.kahit na ba sacrifices pa yung mga yun, ultimately kaya ka naman nagcome-up sa ganung decision ay dahil mas gusto mong ikaw yung magsuffer kesa yung ibang tao.sariling wants pa rin yung naconsider.isa pang reason kung bakit ko yun napili ay siguro dahil na rin yun sa hindi talaga ako mahilig sa uncertainty.gusto ko halos lahat ng bagay e nadedefine.mahirap ang nagrerely sa isang bagay nang wala kang hint kung anong pwedeng mangyari.nung high school pa nga sobrang naiinis talaga ako whenever i experience extreme changes sa buhay ko.kasi parang kelangan mo pang ihandle yun, kontento na kasi ako dati sa isang monotonous na buhay.pero syempre as you grow you come to realize na hindi talaga lahat ng bagay e pwede mong icontrol.finally, magsisink in na sayo that change is indeed inevitable.sobrang cliche pero simula college ko lang tinanggap yan sa buhay ko.tska parang mas maganda na nga ata yung ganun at least exciting at challenging ang buhay.