dlsu-ateneo game + tv series addiction

watched it at katz's house yesterday after we roamed around festi. so happy that ateneo won even if i dislike every single player on their team including chris tiu who by the way made the winning shots after i shouted "ano ba yan walang silbi! tanggalin na yan sa court!" because of his oh so many turnovers and despite being fund of dlsu's jd casio. i also wanted katz to lose. haha. plus i like the color blue. plus my college roommates were ateneans and it had been fun watching them boot for their school. plus i wanted another game. it was fun to watch dick gordon act as if he's a member of the blue babble batallion. haha. and to think that the senate's investigation on the zte broadband deal is still ongoing which if i may add is also fun to watch. hehe. i'm loving not having a job yet. i get to watch a lot of stuff. i'm about to finish gilmore girls season seven. i just finished the new episode of heroes and i can't wait for the next. i'm also done with the first episode of survivor china. and i'll be watching the new episode of house once my torrent finishes. and i'll be downloading the new episode of grey's anatomy tomorrow. hhhhaaaappppyyyy.

rainy day mood boosters

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most probably hindi ko naman yan susundin pero it's nice to know

manifestations of acute schizophrenia

1. ym status: "gusto ko din ng busy icon.=(" ; the next minute, "wee. survivor china sa friday 2pm c/s. haha. buti na lang wala akong work. ang schizo ko. haha"

2. wants: thriving in the "real world" as a workaholic girl to invest for a much envisioned successful future vs. staying in dreamland engulfed by all the idealism i've been accustomed to i.e. staying as youthful and carefree as before (which is easier if i may add)

3. see inconsistencies of sadness and happiness in previous blog entries. also, i'm happy to have the time to catch up with friends and loved ones but sad that most of them are busy unlike me. tsk

4. constant questioning of self identity

ang psychotic ko talaga pag sinusumpong. but i believe this too shall pass. and i'm actually looking forward to a lot of things. tomorrow's friday! yey! para akong nagtatrabahong excited na dahil weekend na. haha. pero sa totoo lang excited ako tuwing weekends kasi that's when i'll have true company. i have now come to a conclusion that my greatest fear is to be alone. and i'm glad that i'm not even a millimeter close to that.=)

just another one of those moments

having a lot of time to yourself can make you crazy. i need a job. haay. i don't even want to entertain these thoughts. i really don't like it when i start questioning things, thinking the what ifs. this is stupid. i even find it consoling that most people go through this also. i hate it that i've given meaning to songs. they make me nostalgic. and right now i hate those people for those memories. actually i hate him for being part of all those songs which i've grown to love. and now i can't love them anymore because hearing them brings back memories of him. and i don't want to think about him. i just want my songs back. tsk. as i said this is stupid.

trilemma

naisipan ko lang iblog na ang kaguluhan ko sa buhay. bakit kaya ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng gantong matinding pag-iisip sa future? well i owe it all on hsbc. thanks for all the realizations. hehe. so as of now napaka-unclear ng future ko. hindi ko alam kung san ako pupunta. at meron na akong trilemma, word na inimbento ko kasi hindi fit ang dilemma lang. anyway, basically hindi ko na alam kung ano ba talagang gusto kong tahaking landas when it comes sa career. at hindi ko rin naiintindihan kung bakit ba ko nagmamadali. haay baka nature ko na rin yun. ayoko kasi talaga yung feeling na i'm wasting my time. so now i present my choices: (nung isang araw lang arranged na sya sa utak ko in terms of preference pero ngayon hindi ko nanaman alam kung alin ba talaga pinakagusto ko. haay. so i'll just label them with letters.)



option A: actuary! pros: pinakamataas na mithiin na pwede kong makamit. feeling ko iba talaga yung sense of fullfillment pag na-achieve ko sya. career growth is highly dependent on your efforts and not so much on vacant positions that may become available. cons: sobrang hirap, napakamaeffort, ang tindi ng competion when it comes to being hired by an insurance company, at ang liit ng starting salary for me na wala pa namang napapasang SOA exam. haay. ( i swear traumatizing yung interview ko with philam. i've never been more doubted in my entire life.)


option B: a career in computational finance! pros: the closest career to my long lost dream of being an accountant. i am highly confident that i'll succeed in this track. cons: career growth is slower compared to option A. starting salary is a bit higher than option A but still low (depending on company). competition is also tough because there a lot of CPA's out there.


option C: a career in IT/programming! pros: high starting salaries. there are a lot of openings out there so competition is not that high. i know that i'll also do good here. cons: career growth is still indeterminate because i'm not really aware of the opportunities that will be made available once i choose this track.


so there. ang hirap kasi ng maraming gusto. haay. kasi naman napakarami kong tinake na iba't ibang electives. lahat tuloy sila nagustuhan ko. tsk. napaka-newbie ko pa when it comes to interviews. i've done only three interviews ever since i graduated and so far traumatizing tlga yung isa dun. pero ngayon i'm leaning more on wanting a job with hp. naka-ym ko kasi si chie kagabi at mukhang ok talaga yung job. sana lang my interview with them if ever won't go as disastrous as my interview with megaworld and philam. pero everything happens for a reason. i know i'll find my place eventually. i just have to learn to be patient enough. patience is a virtue! bakit ba ayaw matanggap ng utak ko yan? haay.

dr. jekyll and mr. hyde

one page down, ummm much more to go. haha. kahapon kasi nagpunta kami ng sm ni katz para lang supposedly mgwindow shopping. pero asa pa. kaya nga ako hindi napuntang mall msydo kasi hindi ko mapigilang hindi bumili. haay. to think na hindi pa yun todo gastos ah. kasi i have diet constraints kaya hindi ako nakapag pig-out. add to that the fact na malapit na ko mawalan ng trabaho. naiimagine ko na talagang ngdwindle ang aking savings. haay. hehe. so by the end of the day e nagaaccounting na ko sa utak ko kasi 500 na lang ang naiwan sa wallet ko. so eto yung list ng nabili ko:

1. sun load namin ni jr: 300php

2. cheek tint from bench (na sobrang gusto ko sanang sa body shop bumili kaso kelangan ko magtipid. tsk): 130php cguro nde ko maalala natapon ko na kasi yung receipt

3. empty spritzer bottle (na hindi ko naman talaga kelangan kasi meron pa ko pero color blue e gusto pink para kaayon sa pink motif ko. ewan ko ba kung bakit maarte ako sa ganyan. hehe) : 40php (na nakita ko sa watsons later for 26php lang. badtrip.)

4. cellphone case: 50php (eto feeling ko good buy ang cute kasi. hehe. kahit na hindi ko rin kelangan talaga kasi kaya ko naman ibalik yung button na natanggal dun sa bigay ni jr. pero madumi na rin kasi yun at hindi ko uber gusto. hehe. sorry jr)

5. food from tokyo2: 100php (eto nakatipid ako kc pinagbawalan na ko to eat excessively)

6. 2 pariet tablets: 174php (hay nako ang mahal ng gamot. hehe)

7. 2 books and 1 laugh digest from booksale: 555php (buti napigilan ko ang sarili kong bilhin lahat nung gusto ko. buti rin sinabihan ako ni katz na isa-isa lang. kasi kagabi naalala ko nanaman na mahirap magbasa ng classics. dahil sa extremely long sentences. feeling ko pa naman maikli na ang attention span ko compared before. pero oh well. i love collecting books. haha. kasi honestly yung ibang books ko hindi ko pa rin nababasa ng cover to cover hanggang ngayon)

isang bagay na gusto ko talaga na hindi ko binili e yung bagong book ni mitch albom. ang mahal kasi. i won't pay 300php for a paperback with disappointing paper quality. hay nako. kung hindi ko lang talaga gusto ng "real" books e nde na ko maaasar kasi pwede naman talaga ko humanap ng pdf. tsk

so total cost? more or less 1350php. i miss the days when having 500php can buy you a movie ticket, a worthy 100php timezone card, lots of junk food and other trinkets. life nga naman. the more we get urbanized the harder it is to save money. buti sana kung lagi may wage increase.

on chisms and blogging

wala lang naisip ko lang kung gaano kalaking damage talaga ang nagagawa ng tsismis at certain blog entries. lalo na sympre kung masama yung mga yun. pareho silang nakakapraning specially sa mga babae. sino ba naman nde mapapaisip sa mga naririnig-rinig mo lang diba? o kaya naman sa mga nababasa mo lang sa blogs na usually naman e sudden burst of emotions lang na nde naman talaga matagal ang lasting effect pero forever na andyan unless ierase ng author. msydo silang nag-raise ng maraming questions at assumptions na hindi mo naman maclarify unless you go to the people involved. kung iisipin mo nga sa game pa lang na pass the message e napakainaccurate na ng nagiging stories paano pa kaya kung parang web network na. tska talamak talaga ang backstabbing sa mundo. parang almost everybody are hesitant with confrontations. haay. hehe

i wrote this kasi ako rin nakagawa na rin nyan. meron nga rin recently which i tried desperately to fix yesterday. hindi naman ako nagpapakahypocrite. lahat tayo makasalanan. hehe. at mukhang mahihirapan tayong magkaroon ng isang revolutionary change. human nature na kasi yan. pero ok pa rin naman kahit baby steps lang. tska naniniwala pa rin akong people are innately good.

happiness

i'm loving bumming around again. hehe. kahit na for less than two weeks lang sya kasi i have other scheduled plans pa rin naman. nga lang malove ko pa rin kaya siya kung wala na akong trabaho totally? hehe. actually excited na rin akong tingnan kung magkakasweldo ba ko this 15. hehe. anyway, i'm starting to feel a whole lot better. weepee. hehe. sana tapos na yung sad phase. ganun naman yun salit-salit lang ang sadness and happiness.

ps: ang saya ng bitcomet. hehe. alam kong baka weird dahil ngayon ko lang sya naappreciate. ngayon lang ako ngkatime e. hehe

whirlwind

kung gaano kadormant ang buhay ko the past six months e syang opposite naman ng nangyayari sa life ko these days. parang extremes talaga e. i'm having almost the same feeling as i had when i was in 3rd year college. the only difference is that today i am a bit older. hindi ko pa rin madetermine if i'm taking in more than i can chew. pero if there's one thing that's totally the same about these two instances in time is that i haven't been having enough sleep. sana talaga sanay na yung katawan ko. ayoko nga mamatay no. anyway, here's a list of recent events contributing to my stress levels kung good or bad stress man yun medyo undecided pa ko sa ibang instances.

1. sept. 8 - birthday celebration ni norman na naki-extra si len. hehe. that was definitely one HELL of a good entertainment! notice the emphasis on hell, thanks len.ü sorry rin sa pang-asar dito. haha as if naman nagbabasa ka ng blogs pero malay mo. pero seriously, nakakatuwang panooring magperform ang mga kaibigang napalapit na talaga sayo. tska first time ko makita ang cooties na i've heard so much about. ang dami pala talaga nila kahit hindi pa sila kumpleto sa lagay na yun. nakakatuwa yung barkada nila. hehe. tska sympre it's nice to be with the "paksyon" again.ü although hindi pa rin maiiwasang may frictions. nagsink in na saking fact of life talaga yun. (generally, good stress!ü nga lang may mga nalaman rin ako na hindi ko alam kung good or bad ba.)

2. sept. 7 - i gave my resignation letter (bad stress.=[ nahiya rin naman kasi talaga ako sa hsbc because the company and the people have been so good to me. i'll definitely miss my team and tranche. and as of now the status of that resignation is still unclear due to #3)

3. sept. 8 - i was diagnosed with reflux laryngitis. ang sakit na inargue ko pa kay jr dati na hindi naman pwedeng mangyari dahil ang esophagus ay may peristalsis. kc pinagsabihan kami ng papa niya na huwag humiga pag busog. turns out nagiging rigid pala ang esophagus due to stress minsan thus when you lie down, acid from the stomach may travel back to the larynx causing its inflammation. narealize ko rin na masamang magfeeling doctor minsan. hehe. takot kasi ako sa doctor kaya minsan i diagnose myself thinking that i have enough knowledge about that stuff or kung hindi man ireresearch ko na lang. haha. obviously, hindi talaga enough ang biology knowledge ko. haha. at ang galing talaga ng ENT doctor ko. in fairness, naramdaman ko for the first time ang advancement ng technology dito kasi dr. villegas took digital images of my larynx. pero sympre wala pa ring sinabi yun sa equipments sa dr. house. pero ayaw ko naman maexperience yun dahil wala akong pera at dahil ibig sabihin rin nun e malala na ang sakit ko. salamat sa hsbc for my intellicare card. nga lang ang mahal rin nman ng gamot ko. tsk. sorry sa blab. hehe. ay meron pa pala, sobrang limited ng diet ko. asar yun. tubig na nga lang pwede kong inumin e. tsk (low stress factor)

4. job hunting - well, 3 months after graduation e ngayon lang ako naghahanap ng "totoong" trabaho. hehe. i have pending applications with megaworld, philam care and landbank service corp. mahirap rin pala ang maraming inaapplyan lalo na't hindi pa talaga ok yung resignation ko. buti na lang i'm not allowed to work for two weeks to give my voice a rest. so in the mean time job hunting. sorry ulit sa hsbc for this.
4.1 sept 3 - initial interview and a lot of exams with philam. hirap nung english part. wala ko masagot. boo. pero ayun sa philam care ako nirefer nung hr baka kasi tapos na ang interviews sa philam life. heard mahirap ang panel interview and maliit rin ang salary. pero we'll see. interview ko this friday.
4.2 sept 10 - initial interviews and exam with megaworld. asar kung anu-ano sinasabi ko sa interview nde kasi gumagana utak ko masyado dahil ata kulang pa ko sa tulog. hehe. sayang. pati nung nag-exam pa ko may music sa background napapakanta pa tuloy ako ng umbrella habang nag-eexam. hehe. status? tatawagan daw ako within this week for further details, good luck naman. hehe.
4.3 my exam with lbp will be tomorrow. hopefully by tomorrow well-rested na ang utak ko.
(can't determine if good or bad stress ang job hunting. pero ang init sa makati ah!)

5. other personal, social issues which i'd rather not elaborate on for reasons of confidentiality. (medyo indeterminate rin as a stress level factor)

so all in all, i'm stressed and exhausted but still trying to be happy and contented. sympre ano pa bang gagawin mo kundi maging optimistic diba? ü pero sobrang thanks sa support ng family, friends especially ni len at katz at sympre ni jr.ü sayo rin na nakaabot sa part na to, thanks for caring enough that you were able to withstand all that babble. hehe

issues issues

life nga naman. sa mundong to mas mapapatay ka pa ng stress caused by social issues kesa iba pang bagay. haay. oh well. on other matters, kakausapin ko na yung TL ko later about resignation. hindi ko na kasi talaga kaya. i feel like i'm wasting away. hindi ko lang alam kung paano ko gagawan ng positive scripting yan. magaling pa naman dapat kami supposedly dyan.

heroes

malapit na naman ang new season ng mga gusto kong palabas. tapos timely rin dahil bigla akong napaisip tungkol sa super powers. dati pag tinatanong ako kung anong gusto kong super power nahirapan pa ko mag-isip. ngayon alam ko na. gusto ko nung kagaya ng power ni hiro nakamura. i want to be able to break the space-time continuum. although being able to do so would make one question the idea of destiny. e firm-believer rin ako nyan. hehe. kasi if you could always go into the future and realize that that's not what you want to become then you always have the option to change the course of your life. so in a sense you have control over people's destinies. so now i've come to thinking that probably you're just destined to do that. hehe. pero meron namang isang episode wherein hiro wasn't able to change what happened to his present even if he went back in time. siguro yun lang yung constraint. you can change the future but you can only do that by altering present times. sympre you can only do so much. wala namang super hero na omnipotent. si God lang yon.